Quick update

Not so much happened. I'm still at home without job. After a while, I'm just tired of looking. Even the idea of searching jobs makes me a bit nauseous. I also get used to the life without job. It kinda feels good. Let it be. I don't wanna worry anymore. Just wait and see where life will take me.

Yeah, half a year has gone. A lot has happened. I was in China for a month somewhere from February to March. It was an unexpected visit home. My mom had an acute glaucoma. She almost lost her eyesight. Fortunately she got the laser operation just in time. Now everything is fine now. She just needs to do regular eye examination. Because people say once you got glaucoma, it will happen again.

After I came back from China, I continue my Swedish class, and did a national exam. But after the exam day, I never went to the school again. I spent another month preparing the damn GMAT. The result didn't meet my expectation. But what's done is done. I sent the school application just one day before we went on vacation. Not matter what the result is, I have tried.

From 12th June to 14 July, we were mostly in Jakarta, and five days in Singapore. I love Singapore. It's a tidy, beautiful, and convenient country. Not so much for sightseeing though, eating and shopping are our main activities there. About Jakarta, I can only say it's the most bizarre, chaotic, and boring city I've ever been. If not for Darwis, I would never want to land myself in that city again. But it was an experience. At least I know that part of the world now and where Darwis grew up. I think I'd better open a new post for talking about Jakarta.

all about food

Around new year, no matter in the Gregorian calendar or in the lunar calendar, it's all about eating every year this time. Normally it starts from one week before Christmas, and lasts to the Chinese lantern's day, which is somewhere in January or February. It's such a wonderful and awful period. Almost every week, big food storms strike you at least once, sometimes, it's everyday non-stop. As your belly grows, you always try to tell yourself to eat less, but you just can't refuse the bright color, the tempting smell, and the rich flavor. Yes, everything else is not so important during this period. I'm so happy that I can eat with relish and appreciate the joy foods bring us.

so...

got an email from an ex-colleague asking how i'm doing. Here is how I replied:

Which version do you wanna hear, optimistic one or pessimistic one?

The optimistic version goes like this:
I enjoy my holiday very much. Now I have time to do whatever I want. I don't have to get up early in the morning for work, and deal with the stupid TW tasks from PF. Finally I have time to do some knitting, help my family and take care of my own health, go for a walk along the beautiful lake every afternoon and eat less junk food so that my body can stay in
good shape and nice posture.

The pessimistic version goes like this:
Everything seems dead. The Swedish school is closed until tomorrow for the winter holiday. Most of my Chinese friends have gone back to China for the Spring Festival. Darwis is always busy at work. I am alone at home everyday trying to find a job, but hardly found any suitable one. Except the resultless job searching, I am also being exploited by my own Dad to translate a dam useless book just for him to show how good his English is in front of his boss and colleagues. Every afternoon when I go out for a walk, I find myself surrounded by old people and Mammas. What a strange feeling!

today is the day

As my boss put it, today is the day. I'm officially jobless now. When I singed the paper, I didn't feel too bad. It was a bit shocking a week ago when the CEO announced the bad news. The company actually is not doing bad with the current financial crisis word-wide. They are doing this just to be prepared. Since it's hard to convince any venture capitalists for money, the company needs to have some cash at hand. With the Swedish law, last-in-first-out, it's hard for me to escape this time. Yeah, that's the story, kind of boring. But it's life, and it's a Swedish one...

Life is a mirror

Life is a mirror. If you look closely, you can see not only yourself, but also things around you. Everything is clear and objective.

I've stopped my English reading and verbal training for over a year, then I find myself short of vocabulary expressing myself or hard to articulate in both written and verbal languages. I've abandoned my knitting plan almost two months, then I find the time when I need some knitwears for the early winter, I have nothing prepared. I've taken less seriously on my houseplants for half a year, then I find they either propagate arbitrarily or wither away, but either way they don't look nice. I've unintentionally ignored my friends for a couple of months, then I find when the time I contact them, there is not too much we can talk about. I've turned down some friends for a few times, then I find the next time when I invite them for something, they can all find excuses. I can't doubt their excuses, although some of them are pretty lame. I know there is already a gap.

Maybe I should use the mirror to look around more often, just like how I use it to examine my face everyday.

Mood swing

Have you ever experienced such feeling that one day, you want to be completely shut down from the outside world? Nothing really went wrong, just want to being alone, not even being around with life partner or closest friend, who you usually share everything with.

I think today, I am having one of such days. I'm supposed to go to a friend's party. It's not just a friend. The host is my 'brother', whom I feel kind and close with. I don't know why. Suddenly, I just don't feel like going. Not to mention he started preparing this party from 9:30 on a Saturday morning, oh, I feel a bit guilty not going. Fortunately it's just a friends-catching-up party. Other friends will eat my brother's food, and nobody will hurt if I'm not there.

Life has been pretty occupied since our summer vacation in China. Unlike my regular home-visiting vacation, my brother went back with us this time. Since it was the first time he flies out of Europe, I knew before the vacation that there would be some troubles for him. But I didn't know it could be so annoying and tiring. First thing is the weather and his big body. Although it was already September during our visit, with my brother's more than twice of my size body, he sweated like he is constantly in shower. Second thing is the food. He doesn't eat any hot food, which we love and long to some real stuff for a year. Then it's our different interests. Our main focus was food and shopping, while he was only interested in architecture. Since he doesn't speak the language, and English is not quite useful there, he insisted our company to those "absolutely amazing" stadiums, temples, skyscrapers, etc., which are absolutely boring for us. Anyhow, he is my brother, since I invited him to my home in China, I should take care of him. I'm just glad it's over now.

The home-visiting vacation turned out to be not so relaxing. So the first week back to work was more like a real vacation. Then things started to roll over. I wasn't thinking too much, just being pushed by life. At work, the project starts getting more and more serious, most of the time, I have to skip my Swedish classes to finish my task. After work, except my knitting project, I have to do some serious learning of my Swedish to pass two exams in November.

I think I'm just tired today. I need a break from myself.

Current project - VOYAGER LACE STOLE

I fell in love with this pattern when I first saw it on VOGUEknitting at the beginning of the summer. At that time, if I bought the yarns in Stockholm, the cost of total yarns to make this stole would go up to 400kr. Yeah, that would be way expensive for an unnecessary accessory for myself. Then I put the idea behind, and hoped I could find something similar with decent price in China later in September. Surprisingly, who knows I found very nice yarns (from DALE) at equally nice price (20NOK/hank) in a place with probably the highest living standard in the world - Stranda in Norway.
Just in case you don't know, a knitwear from DALE costs more than 2000 Norweigian kronor! Now you should understand how happy I am with the deal.

Unfortunately, the progress of this project is not impressive at all. With the problem of my lower back, I coudn't work for more than 1, at most 2 hours; and with the preparation for the coming China trip, I barely found time to knit. Now it looks like this:
Not too bad, ah!? Hope it will become better after blocking. The white string is the "lifeline" as they call it. It's impossible for me not to make mistakes when knitting. I put a lifeline everytime I finish the lace pattern in case there are mistakes I don't know how to correct. So with the lifeline, I can easily re-insert the needle back to the lifeline row, then unravel without worrying lose any stitches. This is a good method when doing a complex pattern. Thank KnittingHelp for the practical tips. I strongly recommend this website for knitters, especially beginners. The best thing about this website is that all the knitting terms and techniques accompanied with videos.