Life is a mirror

Life is a mirror. If you look closely, you can see not only yourself, but also things around you. Everything is clear and objective.

I've stopped my English reading and verbal training for over a year, then I find myself short of vocabulary expressing myself or hard to articulate in both written and verbal languages. I've abandoned my knitting plan almost two months, then I find the time when I need some knitwears for the early winter, I have nothing prepared. I've taken less seriously on my houseplants for half a year, then I find they either propagate arbitrarily or wither away, but either way they don't look nice. I've unintentionally ignored my friends for a couple of months, then I find when the time I contact them, there is not too much we can talk about. I've turned down some friends for a few times, then I find the next time when I invite them for something, they can all find excuses. I can't doubt their excuses, although some of them are pretty lame. I know there is already a gap.

Maybe I should use the mirror to look around more often, just like how I use it to examine my face everyday.

Mood swing

Have you ever experienced such feeling that one day, you want to be completely shut down from the outside world? Nothing really went wrong, just want to being alone, not even being around with life partner or closest friend, who you usually share everything with.

I think today, I am having one of such days. I'm supposed to go to a friend's party. It's not just a friend. The host is my 'brother', whom I feel kind and close with. I don't know why. Suddenly, I just don't feel like going. Not to mention he started preparing this party from 9:30 on a Saturday morning, oh, I feel a bit guilty not going. Fortunately it's just a friends-catching-up party. Other friends will eat my brother's food, and nobody will hurt if I'm not there.

Life has been pretty occupied since our summer vacation in China. Unlike my regular home-visiting vacation, my brother went back with us this time. Since it was the first time he flies out of Europe, I knew before the vacation that there would be some troubles for him. But I didn't know it could be so annoying and tiring. First thing is the weather and his big body. Although it was already September during our visit, with my brother's more than twice of my size body, he sweated like he is constantly in shower. Second thing is the food. He doesn't eat any hot food, which we love and long to some real stuff for a year. Then it's our different interests. Our main focus was food and shopping, while he was only interested in architecture. Since he doesn't speak the language, and English is not quite useful there, he insisted our company to those "absolutely amazing" stadiums, temples, skyscrapers, etc., which are absolutely boring for us. Anyhow, he is my brother, since I invited him to my home in China, I should take care of him. I'm just glad it's over now.

The home-visiting vacation turned out to be not so relaxing. So the first week back to work was more like a real vacation. Then things started to roll over. I wasn't thinking too much, just being pushed by life. At work, the project starts getting more and more serious, most of the time, I have to skip my Swedish classes to finish my task. After work, except my knitting project, I have to do some serious learning of my Swedish to pass two exams in November.

I think I'm just tired today. I need a break from myself.