Film: Svinalängorna

Idag tittade jag en svensk film Svinalängorna. Det var inte den första svenska filmen som jag har tittat. Men det var egentligen min första svensk film utan engelska texter eller kinesiska texter. Jag förstod historien bra. Filmen berättade på luciadagen en medelålder kvinna Leena fick ett telefonsamtal från hennes mamma Aili som var svårt sjuk. Efter samtalet blev Leena nyckfull och nonchalerade hon samtalet. Leenas man Johan tog hela familj till Ystad att besöka Leenas sjukmor fastän Leena ville inte. Alla hennes dystra minnen från barndom kom tillbaka. Leenas föräldrar kom från Finland. Filmen berättade inte när de hade flyttat till Sverige. Kanske innan Leena föddes eftersom Leena och hennes lillebror Sakari talade svenska utan finska brytning. Leenas pappa Kimmo var en alkoholist. Han var full alltid och orkade inte att gå ut lägenheten. Ibland slog han Aili. En jul slog Kimmo Leena hårt med ett skärp eftersom hon kastade hans sprit. En dag socialtjänsten besökte dem hemma. När socialtjänsten personal lämnade, fick Kimmo och Aili ett stor slagsmål. Aili blev nästan död. Socialtjänsten tog Leena och Sakari efteråt. Sakari dog av en överdos. Det verkade som det var Ailis fel. I slutet var Aili död. Leena var så rädd att hon skulle bli som sina föräldrar.

Det är en gripande och mörk berättelse. Men filmen är vacker. Noomi Rapace som spelar Leena är en jätteduktig skådespelerska. Hon spelar utmärkt med små ansiktsuttryck. Tjejen som spelar ungdom Leena är också bra.

ehec i Sverige

En medelårders man smittades av en dödlig ehec-bakterie i Skåne. Men de svenska myndigheterna kunde inte kartlägga vad han ätit, inte heller kunde de hitta smittkälla. Det är osäkert om fallet har någon koppling till utbrotten i Tyskland och Frankrike. Smittkällan kan finnas i landet. Svenska medier avrådde alla från att äta råa groddar oavsett man odlat dem själv eller inte. Det är klokt att noga skölja alla grönsaker. Lyckligtvis är det vad vi alltid gjort. Vi bör vara mer vaksam med att vad vi äter, men vi behöver inte undvika alla grönsaker.

det är dags för svenska

Efter sju år kan jag fortfarande inte prata svenska på jobbet. Jag är lite besviken om mig själv. Jag brukar vara för lätt på mig själv. Jag behöver kämpa hårt nu! Så vi får se.

minus 20 degree

Yesterday was the coldest day in Stockholm since 1904. The highest temperature during the day was minus 20 degree. I was fully equipped with my wollf-wear jacket and Salomon winter boots, which I bought for our Kiruna trip in 2007. I never used them afterwards until yesterday. When I went out, every breath I took made my nose hurt. But I had a sense of excitement when I'm surrounded by the massive white. The cumulated snow from last week seemed covered with a thick layer of frost. A friend wrote this as her FB status "its cold but beautiful in Stockholm. I love this city." I liked it, and then I realized my excitement comes from this beauty. Stockholm is truly beautiful in all seasons. Maybe this is why I don't really want to leave here. Her beauty is simple and peaceful. Compared to the beauty of some cities in Norway, the beauty of Stockholm is definitely not mind-blowing, but it is stimulating and satisfying. And sometimes, I just need those little moments of satisfaction.

communication

The courses are over for now. It's project time until mid April next year. A sense of emptiness comes around, especially last week when we had no courses and I couldn't work at the office due to delayed administration work. I found myself hanging on FB and Kaixin001 (a Chinese networking site) a lot. Without all the assignments, readings, and exams occupying my mind, I suddenly forgot how to spend my time otherwise. I was almost craving for talking to people. But once I started talking to people, I easily run out topics after talking about each other's recent situation. It's like calling mom. We really miss each other. But we can talk not more than 15 min on the phone. Our phone conversation ritual normally starts by her asking questions such as "what are you doing? what did you eat for lunch? what are you going to do?" Then after I give her the answers, she often says, "All right, we are all fine. Don't worry. Go and do your things." This doesn't feel like we are really communicating. First I thought she is afraid of the seemingly expensive long-distance call. But now since my dad has retired and subscribed to broadband Internet, we often talk over Skype for free. Mom is still like that. Every time I need to find something to say to keep her stay on the phone. Somehow I feel she is used to a life without me. She is not curious about my life in Sweden. She never asked what I've learnt at school, whom I hang out with. Although sometimes I tried to tell her about my life, she sounds disattached. As long as she knows I'm somewhere doing ok, she is happy. I really need to do something to improve our communication. Communication is indeed a skill, but I never thought I'd need to apply it when talking to my mom.

Growing pains?

I haven't talked about school so much. That doesn't mean nothing happened. It's the opposite, lots of things have happened, good and bad. One thing I'm pretty sure is that I don't regret taking this program. I've learned so many useful knowledge and skills, and thanks to those exams and cases, they really stayed in my mind. The fun part is some of them can be reflected in my head when I see real life problems. It's happening almost everyday in many aspects from issues with family and friends to an organization, to a country, or even the global economic environment.

The most frustrating part at school is human relationship. It's so complicated! I just realized that I had been lucky with people up to the point I started in a business school. Most of my time before business school, I either was surrounded by simple kind people, or didn't get involved to the situation where things can get complicated. Relationship is complicated, no matter what kind. So I was thinking maybe the point of going to business school isn't about learning financial statements, marketing strategies, organizational theories etc., the real point is to experience and figure out how to deal with, work with, and even manipulate various types of people. Because the final goal is to get your idea crossed. There are many techniques required in communicating to different people. Speaking of the truth or a good idea is simply not enough. Being a nice guy or doing the right thing isn't gonna earn you any credibility. It's all about how you say it, and when you say it. (I will develop more on that when I have time. Right now I need to prepare for bed.)

Exam week

Right now, I'm supposed to study for the big exams next week, but instead I'm writing this post while listening to Cheer Chen. Her voice is transparent and her music is refreshing. Cheer is the favorite of most Chinese dilettantes (Wen Yi Qing Nian in Chinese). The direct translation of Wen Yi Qing Nian is arty youth. It is a modern word used to describe young people who enjoy fine art. Normally they are sensitive, narcissistic. Certainly they are well-educated and thus like to pursue improvement in their inner world. But sometimes their affectations can be really annoying. Someone even call them pretentious bastards. Anyway I think they are cute most of the time but I don't think I am one of them. I find Cheer's music is good to listen to when I want to be sentimental. Being sentimental can help me think and write about my feelings. In this sense, I should be more sentimental in order to update my blog more frequently. Hahaha...

School is busy as hell. Most of the time, my head and body are occupied by the endless projects, assignments, and exams. Sometimes, I am quite surprised how fast I can force myself to learn; and sometimes, I can be really sick of study. Maybe these days, I am like that. Before I complain about the exam week, I should explain the way how the school exam us. Our examination for all discipline subjects consist of three parts. The first part is the normal exam after finishing each subject. The second part is integration of different subjects at the end of each period (two subjects at a time). The third part is this exam week after 1.5 semesters. We need to answer an essay question of each subject we have learned for the past 1.5 semesters. The idea of exam week is good. The intention of it is to "learn for the program and for life" rather than "learn for the exam and then forget about the subject". But I kinda lost all my motivation at the moment. I don't want to go through all the literature or slides again. Besides, I don't know how much you can prepare for an essay question. I will see how much I can bullshit during the exam.

Foundation

One and half week of hectic foundation period has officially ended three o'clock this afternoon. The actual course hasn't started yet. We already got so many things to do. The Student Association at the Stockholm School of Economics (SASSE) is obviously doing a great job of keeping us busy. We were warmly welcomed on the registration day. The entire board of the SASSE was standing outside the main entrance of the school and shaking hands with each of every new student. As you can see on the picture, even red carpet was prepared. After we entered the main entrance, there was a corridor leading us to the auditorium, and all the members of the SASSE were standing along the corridor and cheering for the new students when we passed along. I've studied for 18 years in total so far, but I've never been welcomed like this before. Of course the welcoming was just a start, from that moment on, we were well taken care of by the SASSE. They first divided us into groups, and "parents" were assigned to each group. Then, walkabout school tour, games, dinners, weekend trip, and many other activities, plus the activities we had within each specialization program, I felt as if I knew those fellow students for years. Everyone is friendly, active, and open, from students to professors. It felt like I was in another country. This is definitely not the Sweden I used to know, not the school I used to go, and not the classmates I used to have. I feel that I am changing inside just by being around this active and positive vibe. My confidence started coming back. Right now, I'm very happy and grateful to be one of SSE's students. Although I am one of the oldest students in our class, I believe better late than never. My journey at SSE has already started. I promised myself to cherish this second chance and make the most out of it.

Admitted

Finally, a piece of good news - I'm in! I got accepted by Stockholm School of Economics, one of the leading business school in Europe. Although my GMAT score wasn't impressive, they accepted me. It was a big suprise. It's still felt like dreaming. Maybe they were touched by my sincere personal statement, or I'm just lucky this time. But anyway, I'm so happy that I got accepted. I can't say it's gonna be life-changing, but it's certainly a turning point. The one that I need desperately at this moment! So back to school, not a bad thing. Cheers! A lot to do in the next two years. Hope I can still manage. Go Lily, go! I can do it!

Quick update

Not so much happened. I'm still at home without job. After a while, I'm just tired of looking. Even the idea of searching jobs makes me a bit nauseous. I also get used to the life without job. It kinda feels good. Let it be. I don't wanna worry anymore. Just wait and see where life will take me.

Yeah, half a year has gone. A lot has happened. I was in China for a month somewhere from February to March. It was an unexpected visit home. My mom had an acute glaucoma. She almost lost her eyesight. Fortunately she got the laser operation just in time. Now everything is fine now. She just needs to do regular eye examination. Because people say once you got glaucoma, it will happen again.

After I came back from China, I continue my Swedish class, and did a national exam. But after the exam day, I never went to the school again. I spent another month preparing the damn GMAT. The result didn't meet my expectation. But what's done is done. I sent the school application just one day before we went on vacation. Not matter what the result is, I have tried.

From 12th June to 14 July, we were mostly in Jakarta, and five days in Singapore. I love Singapore. It's a tidy, beautiful, and convenient country. Not so much for sightseeing though, eating and shopping are our main activities there. About Jakarta, I can only say it's the most bizarre, chaotic, and boring city I've ever been. If not for Darwis, I would never want to land myself in that city again. But it was an experience. At least I know that part of the world now and where Darwis grew up. I think I'd better open a new post for talking about Jakarta.

all about food

Around new year, no matter in the Gregorian calendar or in the lunar calendar, it's all about eating every year this time. Normally it starts from one week before Christmas, and lasts to the Chinese lantern's day, which is somewhere in January or February. It's such a wonderful and awful period. Almost every week, big food storms strike you at least once, sometimes, it's everyday non-stop. As your belly grows, you always try to tell yourself to eat less, but you just can't refuse the bright color, the tempting smell, and the rich flavor. Yes, everything else is not so important during this period. I'm so happy that I can eat with relish and appreciate the joy foods bring us.

so...

got an email from an ex-colleague asking how i'm doing. Here is how I replied:

Which version do you wanna hear, optimistic one or pessimistic one?

The optimistic version goes like this:
I enjoy my holiday very much. Now I have time to do whatever I want. I don't have to get up early in the morning for work, and deal with the stupid TW tasks from PF. Finally I have time to do some knitting, help my family and take care of my own health, go for a walk along the beautiful lake every afternoon and eat less junk food so that my body can stay in
good shape and nice posture.

The pessimistic version goes like this:
Everything seems dead. The Swedish school is closed until tomorrow for the winter holiday. Most of my Chinese friends have gone back to China for the Spring Festival. Darwis is always busy at work. I am alone at home everyday trying to find a job, but hardly found any suitable one. Except the resultless job searching, I am also being exploited by my own Dad to translate a dam useless book just for him to show how good his English is in front of his boss and colleagues. Every afternoon when I go out for a walk, I find myself surrounded by old people and Mammas. What a strange feeling!

today is the day

As my boss put it, today is the day. I'm officially jobless now. When I singed the paper, I didn't feel too bad. It was a bit shocking a week ago when the CEO announced the bad news. The company actually is not doing bad with the current financial crisis word-wide. They are doing this just to be prepared. Since it's hard to convince any venture capitalists for money, the company needs to have some cash at hand. With the Swedish law, last-in-first-out, it's hard for me to escape this time. Yeah, that's the story, kind of boring. But it's life, and it's a Swedish one...

Life is a mirror

Life is a mirror. If you look closely, you can see not only yourself, but also things around you. Everything is clear and objective.

I've stopped my English reading and verbal training for over a year, then I find myself short of vocabulary expressing myself or hard to articulate in both written and verbal languages. I've abandoned my knitting plan almost two months, then I find the time when I need some knitwears for the early winter, I have nothing prepared. I've taken less seriously on my houseplants for half a year, then I find they either propagate arbitrarily or wither away, but either way they don't look nice. I've unintentionally ignored my friends for a couple of months, then I find when the time I contact them, there is not too much we can talk about. I've turned down some friends for a few times, then I find the next time when I invite them for something, they can all find excuses. I can't doubt their excuses, although some of them are pretty lame. I know there is already a gap.

Maybe I should use the mirror to look around more often, just like how I use it to examine my face everyday.

Mood swing

Have you ever experienced such feeling that one day, you want to be completely shut down from the outside world? Nothing really went wrong, just want to being alone, not even being around with life partner or closest friend, who you usually share everything with.

I think today, I am having one of such days. I'm supposed to go to a friend's party. It's not just a friend. The host is my 'brother', whom I feel kind and close with. I don't know why. Suddenly, I just don't feel like going. Not to mention he started preparing this party from 9:30 on a Saturday morning, oh, I feel a bit guilty not going. Fortunately it's just a friends-catching-up party. Other friends will eat my brother's food, and nobody will hurt if I'm not there.

Life has been pretty occupied since our summer vacation in China. Unlike my regular home-visiting vacation, my brother went back with us this time. Since it was the first time he flies out of Europe, I knew before the vacation that there would be some troubles for him. But I didn't know it could be so annoying and tiring. First thing is the weather and his big body. Although it was already September during our visit, with my brother's more than twice of my size body, he sweated like he is constantly in shower. Second thing is the food. He doesn't eat any hot food, which we love and long to some real stuff for a year. Then it's our different interests. Our main focus was food and shopping, while he was only interested in architecture. Since he doesn't speak the language, and English is not quite useful there, he insisted our company to those "absolutely amazing" stadiums, temples, skyscrapers, etc., which are absolutely boring for us. Anyhow, he is my brother, since I invited him to my home in China, I should take care of him. I'm just glad it's over now.

The home-visiting vacation turned out to be not so relaxing. So the first week back to work was more like a real vacation. Then things started to roll over. I wasn't thinking too much, just being pushed by life. At work, the project starts getting more and more serious, most of the time, I have to skip my Swedish classes to finish my task. After work, except my knitting project, I have to do some serious learning of my Swedish to pass two exams in November.

I think I'm just tired today. I need a break from myself.

Current project - VOYAGER LACE STOLE

I fell in love with this pattern when I first saw it on VOGUEknitting at the beginning of the summer. At that time, if I bought the yarns in Stockholm, the cost of total yarns to make this stole would go up to 400kr. Yeah, that would be way expensive for an unnecessary accessory for myself. Then I put the idea behind, and hoped I could find something similar with decent price in China later in September. Surprisingly, who knows I found very nice yarns (from DALE) at equally nice price (20NOK/hank) in a place with probably the highest living standard in the world - Stranda in Norway.
Just in case you don't know, a knitwear from DALE costs more than 2000 Norweigian kronor! Now you should understand how happy I am with the deal.

Unfortunately, the progress of this project is not impressive at all. With the problem of my lower back, I coudn't work for more than 1, at most 2 hours; and with the preparation for the coming China trip, I barely found time to knit. Now it looks like this:
Not too bad, ah!? Hope it will become better after blocking. The white string is the "lifeline" as they call it. It's impossible for me not to make mistakes when knitting. I put a lifeline everytime I finish the lace pattern in case there are mistakes I don't know how to correct. So with the lifeline, I can easily re-insert the needle back to the lifeline row, then unravel without worrying lose any stitches. This is a good method when doing a complex pattern. Thank KnittingHelp for the practical tips. I strongly recommend this website for knitters, especially beginners. The best thing about this website is that all the knitting terms and techniques accompanied with videos.

The musical Mamma Mia

Needless to say how famous ABBA is. The first time I listened to their music was probably at the age of five or six. It's pretty amazing how I remembered it. I clearly remember at that time, every weekend, my mother liked to play ABBA's music from a cassette on the sound system that my farther brought from U.S.A. As a matter of fact, all the ABBA's songs were also brought back by my farther from America. Because of that, I've always thought ABBA was an American singing group until I came to Sweden. Compared to Communist songs, their music was ear-opening. Time can never wash away great music. ABBA's music is still good and touching nowadays.

I'm glad the original London cast of the musical Mamma Mia came to Stockholm, so that I can enjoy those classic songs with an entertaining story. How creative the playwright-Catherine Johnson is to come up with a theatrical story embedded with 24 of ABBA's great hits. Of course, Judy Craymer should not be forgotten. She is the one who suggested the idea of making a musical with ABBA's songs. Since the song writers from ABBA were not very much interested at the beginning, Mamma Mia would not exist without Judy's almost 15-year persistence.

Last night was a joyful night with the enjoyable musical Mamma Mia. I just wished mama were there as well. Although she might not understand most of the conversation, the charm of the music and the performance would be enough to amuse her.

Is this scarf suitable for my father?

Pattern: Meandering Rib Scarf from Lion Brand. But you need to register in order to see the pattern.
Yarn: six 50g hanks (each approx 60m) of ICELAND yarn from Marks&Kattens. I bought them at Panduro Hobby with the summer sale price 29kr/hank. The original price was 49kr/hank.

When the yarns were chosen, I meant to make a gift for my father's coming birthday. After I finished this piece, my bf told me it looked good on me, and when I saw my bf wearing it, I think it also looked good on him. So I start to doubt if this one is too stylish for my father? My father is gonna turn 59!

New start

I couldn't remember the old blog url I registered here one year ago. So yes, this is a new one, meaning a new start. I do post some texts to my space on and off. Since MSN is more popular in China, most of my friends on MSN are Chinese. I know it's uncomfortable for my Chinese friends to read my blog in English. This one is hence created for broader audience, and the one on myspace will be remained only for my Chinese friends or friends who can read Chinese. I made this decision today when I was knitting on our balcony.

Everyone has their own story or opinion. It's good to write them down, and the good thing about writing them down on a blog is that people can choose to read or not to read. There are many types of blogs. Some bloggers talk about particular technique or skills, such as programming, cooking, knitting, and etc.; some bloggers talk about their feelings; some bloggers talk about things happened in their lives...... I honestly don't know which type my blog is or would be. Before blogs appearing in our lives, I used to write my own diary. Because I like remembering things. I'd like to remeber the good times I spent with my friends, the crazy and funny things I've done, the feelings I had against someone or something, who made my heart moved where and when, and so forth. I wrote them down as if I could seize and hold them all forever. Even though I forget them some day, at least I have them on paper which I can remind myself. I think this is the same motivation for me to start my blog. So let's do it! :)