minus 20 degree

Yesterday was the coldest day in Stockholm since 1904. The highest temperature during the day was minus 20 degree. I was fully equipped with my wollf-wear jacket and Salomon winter boots, which I bought for our Kiruna trip in 2007. I never used them afterwards until yesterday. When I went out, every breath I took made my nose hurt. But I had a sense of excitement when I'm surrounded by the massive white. The cumulated snow from last week seemed covered with a thick layer of frost. A friend wrote this as her FB status "its cold but beautiful in Stockholm. I love this city." I liked it, and then I realized my excitement comes from this beauty. Stockholm is truly beautiful in all seasons. Maybe this is why I don't really want to leave here. Her beauty is simple and peaceful. Compared to the beauty of some cities in Norway, the beauty of Stockholm is definitely not mind-blowing, but it is stimulating and satisfying. And sometimes, I just need those little moments of satisfaction.

communication

The courses are over for now. It's project time until mid April next year. A sense of emptiness comes around, especially last week when we had no courses and I couldn't work at the office due to delayed administration work. I found myself hanging on FB and Kaixin001 (a Chinese networking site) a lot. Without all the assignments, readings, and exams occupying my mind, I suddenly forgot how to spend my time otherwise. I was almost craving for talking to people. But once I started talking to people, I easily run out topics after talking about each other's recent situation. It's like calling mom. We really miss each other. But we can talk not more than 15 min on the phone. Our phone conversation ritual normally starts by her asking questions such as "what are you doing? what did you eat for lunch? what are you going to do?" Then after I give her the answers, she often says, "All right, we are all fine. Don't worry. Go and do your things." This doesn't feel like we are really communicating. First I thought she is afraid of the seemingly expensive long-distance call. But now since my dad has retired and subscribed to broadband Internet, we often talk over Skype for free. Mom is still like that. Every time I need to find something to say to keep her stay on the phone. Somehow I feel she is used to a life without me. She is not curious about my life in Sweden. She never asked what I've learnt at school, whom I hang out with. Although sometimes I tried to tell her about my life, she sounds disattached. As long as she knows I'm somewhere doing ok, she is happy. I really need to do something to improve our communication. Communication is indeed a skill, but I never thought I'd need to apply it when talking to my mom.

Growing pains?

I haven't talked about school so much. That doesn't mean nothing happened. It's the opposite, lots of things have happened, good and bad. One thing I'm pretty sure is that I don't regret taking this program. I've learned so many useful knowledge and skills, and thanks to those exams and cases, they really stayed in my mind. The fun part is some of them can be reflected in my head when I see real life problems. It's happening almost everyday in many aspects from issues with family and friends to an organization, to a country, or even the global economic environment.

The most frustrating part at school is human relationship. It's so complicated! I just realized that I had been lucky with people up to the point I started in a business school. Most of my time before business school, I either was surrounded by simple kind people, or didn't get involved to the situation where things can get complicated. Relationship is complicated, no matter what kind. So I was thinking maybe the point of going to business school isn't about learning financial statements, marketing strategies, organizational theories etc., the real point is to experience and figure out how to deal with, work with, and even manipulate various types of people. Because the final goal is to get your idea crossed. There are many techniques required in communicating to different people. Speaking of the truth or a good idea is simply not enough. Being a nice guy or doing the right thing isn't gonna earn you any credibility. It's all about how you say it, and when you say it. (I will develop more on that when I have time. Right now I need to prepare for bed.)

Exam week

Right now, I'm supposed to study for the big exams next week, but instead I'm writing this post while listening to Cheer Chen. Her voice is transparent and her music is refreshing. Cheer is the favorite of most Chinese dilettantes (Wen Yi Qing Nian in Chinese). The direct translation of Wen Yi Qing Nian is arty youth. It is a modern word used to describe young people who enjoy fine art. Normally they are sensitive, narcissistic. Certainly they are well-educated and thus like to pursue improvement in their inner world. But sometimes their affectations can be really annoying. Someone even call them pretentious bastards. Anyway I think they are cute most of the time but I don't think I am one of them. I find Cheer's music is good to listen to when I want to be sentimental. Being sentimental can help me think and write about my feelings. In this sense, I should be more sentimental in order to update my blog more frequently. Hahaha...

School is busy as hell. Most of the time, my head and body are occupied by the endless projects, assignments, and exams. Sometimes, I am quite surprised how fast I can force myself to learn; and sometimes, I can be really sick of study. Maybe these days, I am like that. Before I complain about the exam week, I should explain the way how the school exam us. Our examination for all discipline subjects consist of three parts. The first part is the normal exam after finishing each subject. The second part is integration of different subjects at the end of each period (two subjects at a time). The third part is this exam week after 1.5 semesters. We need to answer an essay question of each subject we have learned for the past 1.5 semesters. The idea of exam week is good. The intention of it is to "learn for the program and for life" rather than "learn for the exam and then forget about the subject". But I kinda lost all my motivation at the moment. I don't want to go through all the literature or slides again. Besides, I don't know how much you can prepare for an essay question. I will see how much I can bullshit during the exam.